Making the decision to place a loved one in a facility is not easy. It comes with a lot of hand-wringing, guilt and self-doubt. (I know, I’ve done it.)
Actually finding a place is another challenge but that will be a whole other article.
There are several factors that can play into the decision to move a loved one from their home or yours into a Skilled Nursing, Assisted Living or Residential Care Facility.
Your loved one’s declining health. Your loved one may be declining to the point where it is necessary to bring in outside help. This is not always a solution (especially when round the clock care is needed) so placing a loved one in a facility could provide your loved one with people who can keep them safe and clean 24/7. Mobility is of particular concern: per the National Council on Aging, “falls are the leading cause of fatal and nonfatal injuries among older adults.”
Your own health. Yes, your own health is a major factor to consider when making the major decision to place your loved one in a facility. Approximately 30% of caregivers die before the ones they care for. Read that sentence again. Caregiving is brutal on the caregiver’s mental and physical health. Your own health is as much of a priority as your loved one’s.
Mental fatigue. We have all had bad days. We get cranky, we are tired and even feel depressed. When those bad days turn into several days, weeks and months of crankiness, depression and feeling like there is no way out, that is an indication that you and your loved one may be better off in a different situation. Respite can help but a long-term solution may be the answer. (Also, be sure to see your own doctor about these ongoing signs of depression.)
Life changes. So often, as caregivers, we do not have the time or the emotional bandwidth to take on anything else. Many caregivers give up their careers to become full-time caregivers. The impact (on women particularly) of lost wages, retirement funds and benefits is huge (per Family Caregiver Alliance, “lost wages for women who leave the work force early because of caregiving responsibilities totals $142,693.”) Aside from trying to work and take on caregiving responsibilities, life changes happen! Wanting to spend time with a new grandchild, travel in your retirement or follow a life-long dream are legitimate factors to consider when making the decision to place a loved one in a facility.
Making the decision to place a loved one in a facility is one of the hardest caregiving decisions to make. Remember, no matter where your loved one lives you are still their caregiver. Others may be doing the day in and day out physical work but you can make sure they are getting quality care, are safe and living the best life they can.
This may not fit with our initial vision for caregiving but caregivers are nothing if not flexible! Make the decision that works best for your loved one, AND you and your family.
